I've had a lot of time on my hands these last few weeks; time to think about what matters.. I don't want to ever leave this earth knowing that a piece of my heart was saved for someone. As you get older, I don't think you ever forget the undying love you had for someone; it's just like losing someone.. you learn to accept that's not the path your life is taking. Well, what if I don't want to wait to tell this person that what I feel for them is real. Between my weakness and my fears.. lies you.
I am petrified that this life will end, and he will go on the rest of his life not knowing how I truly feel. We all know that I am terrified of what this surgery will bring.. it's no secret. I know what it's like to lay in bed at night and dream of what could be.. When I'm around him, my heart skips a beat.. he takes my breath away. I never even knew that was possible... I thought it was lines meant for movies, I never knew it actually existed. I have never known a connection so deep, the kind where speaking does no justice.
Just incase I never get to tell you how I truly feel... keep this with you and never forget it..
I've lived my life, believing in fairytales; the ones they talk about in story books. When I was a little girl, I grew up believing that we were all meant for someone.. Call me crazy, but you light up my life. When I lay in bed, i dream of you.. the idea of you makes all the crazy stuff worthwhile. People always say, you can't miss something you've never had... Wrong. I miss you. Every day of my life, I miss talking to you, I miss seeing you, I miss everything about you.
We go through life being told everything we can't do... Let me be the one to tell you everything you CAN do.. you may not see it, but.. you're kind, and funny, and smart, and unique; you are truly an extraordinary person and you don't even know it yet.. Everything you've ever wanted in life; it's possible.. your life doesn't have to be so hard, I promise you. There is so much I want to say to you, that a letter in my blog would just not suffice.
I promise you, that when I make it through all of this; I will tell you how I feel. I want to kiss you more than anything in this world, I want to tell you how amazing you truly are. I want to lay beside you, and never let go. If, by any stretch of the imagination, you're reading this.. I want to show you what it feels like to feel safe inside me.. What ever you are going through right now.. it will get better, i promise you. I usually don't make so many promises... but with you, it feels warranted.
I hope that one day, I can tell you what you truly mean to me..
Love, always.
Until next time,
xo
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