Looking for an outlet

This whole thing is so unbelievably hard. If I had one piece of advice for someone going through this, it would be to find an outlet. Even with that, the stuff you are forced to go through is sometimes more than you can physically and emotionally bare. I started off my last blog post, with every intention of finishing it, little did I know.. life had other plans. Most days, the pain, and the symptoms take over me, control me. As much as I try to tell myself that I have this disease, this disease doesn't have me.. I end up right back where i started - in bed, throwing in the towel.

I shouldn't be so harsh - this doesn't always happen, but it happens enough. The pain through sitting is sometimes more than I can handle. It's strange you know, as much as I want the people around me to understand what I am going through, I would never want anyone, to go through what I go through on a daily basis. This disease, it's like a prison. You are a prisoner in your own body, in your own soul. When you want to run, and break free - you are left stuck, with nothing but the pain you feel, always. How does someone live like this, forever? I am only 21 years old and I am already struggling. I realize that I am not yet diagnosed and that this is only the beginning but boy, let me tell you.. this is one ride, I would like to get off of. I've been thinking lately, I would like to pain a picture for those people who don't quite understand what we go through. Not an artistic picture, but a creative-writing picture. Maybe then, people will grow to understand all of the things we give up, and the things we give for. This disease is a real give and take. What a relationship!