PAIN-FULL!

pain   /peɪn/ Show Spelled[peyn] Show IPA
–noun
1. physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness, etc.
2. a distressing sensation in a particular part of the body: a back pain.
3. mental or emotional suffering or torment: I am sorry my news causes you such pain

Although pain may be constant, or short-lived. The noun, or the act of pain, is widespread. Regardless of your race, religion, or gender; pain does not exclude or discriminate. People of all walks of life suffer from some sort of pain. Pain is not cruel, and does not leave the youngest of people out. Regardless of your age, occupation, or status in society; pain, suffering, and illness do not care. Some may say that God only gives us as much as we can handle. Although I do agree with that statement, I also believe he gives us a little bit more than we can handle, to show us how strong we really are. The last 6 years of my life, have been filled with test after test, after test. I'm not talking about a school test. Heck, I'm not even talking about a medical test. What I'm talking about, is something deeper, something more spiritual. My world has been filled with life tests!

I wake up each morning, not knowing what I will be faced with. I used to be someone who loved making plans. I loved making plans days, weeks, even years in advance. Something that anyone with a chronic illness will tell you, the minute you begin to feel the pain, is the minute your life begins to lose the action of planning. I was someone who loved to plan my life out, to a T! Where I was going to live, what I was going to eat for dinner, even when I was going to go to sleep and bathe. When faced with a lifelong chronic illness, you begin to realize that you dont own your pain, your pain owns you. Does this mean that you give up, and stop caring? No! Definitely not! What it means, is that, your once planned out life, doesn't seem so stable anymore. Instead of planning to have a shower when I wake up in the morning, I know rely on how I feel, and when I feel well enough to bathe. Sleep patterns become non-existant. Your daily sleep relies on how you are feeling when your head hits the pillow. Some nights, I am so exhausted, I fall asleep at 6:30pm and wake up at midnight. Some nights, I am so exhausted, that the thought of sleep makes me sleepy but unfortunately, that doesn't always work; pain keeps me up, WAY past my bedtime. Some days, I am in so much pain, the moment I begin to fall asleep is when my dad is leaving for work at 6:00am. Some people may look at you as unreliable.. so be it! I am living my life, the best way I know how. I am trying to cope, with what I have been given, and if that offends people, or makes people mad, well I'm sorry. When I am laying in bed at night, in excruciating pain, they are in their comfy bed, snoring away. Each day is different, yet so awfully the same.. you never know how awful you are going to feel, the minute you open your eyes. This morning, I woke up at 10:30am, in so much pain, that the thought of going downstairs to make myself something to eat was impossible. It took everything I had, to push myself. After one pain medication didn't help, it was time to try a second. Most of the time, on days like today, where the pain is so horrible, 2 pain medications usually put me to sleep. Do I sit in my bed all day and do absolutely nothing? No, I don't. Am I in so much excruciating pain that the thought of standing up makes you want to vomit. Yes. I try my very hardest to do the best with what I have been given. Do i always do the right thing? No, but I try. No on has the right to judge my situation, until they have been put in the same position, and even than, God has the final say.

Whether you yourself are living with a lifelong chronic illness, or someone you love is suffering. It is important to know, that life isn't always as perfect as it may seem. We are all trying our best, to live with what we've been given. Whether you have cancer, or allergies, or are living with a terminal illness - pain inflicts all of us, and it's our job to help those in need any way we can. Chronic pain due to illness is a horrible thing to have to deal with, so next time you feel the need to comment on someone who is trying to just live a normal life. Remember, it could be you in that position.. and wouldn't you want someone to help you and understand you?? Instead of always looking at the negative, try and turn it into a positive. Instead of looking at someone leaving work or a party early, think about what it took for them to even come. The effort that was put in, to show up. With a disease as complex as Lupus, sometimes taking a pain med isn't the easiest answer. Lupus effects many areas of the body, and it is important to remember that no two lupus patients are ever the same. Knowledge is power! So, make yourself aware :)!

Lots of love,