PAIN-FULL!

pain   /peɪn/ Show Spelled[peyn] Show IPA
–noun
1. physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness, etc.
2. a distressing sensation in a particular part of the body: a back pain.
3. mental or emotional suffering or torment: I am sorry my news causes you such pain

Although pain may be constant, or short-lived. The noun, or the act of pain, is widespread. Regardless of your race, religion, or gender; pain does not exclude or discriminate. People of all walks of life suffer from some sort of pain. Pain is not cruel, and does not leave the youngest of people out. Regardless of your age, occupation, or status in society; pain, suffering, and illness do not care. Some may say that God only gives us as much as we can handle. Although I do agree with that statement, I also believe he gives us a little bit more than we can handle, to show us how strong we really are. The last 6 years of my life, have been filled with test after test, after test. I'm not talking about a school test. Heck, I'm not even talking about a medical test. What I'm talking about, is something deeper, something more spiritual. My world has been filled with life tests!

I wake up each morning, not knowing what I will be faced with. I used to be someone who loved making plans. I loved making plans days, weeks, even years in advance. Something that anyone with a chronic illness will tell you, the minute you begin to feel the pain, is the minute your life begins to lose the action of planning. I was someone who loved to plan my life out, to a T! Where I was going to live, what I was going to eat for dinner, even when I was going to go to sleep and bathe. When faced with a lifelong chronic illness, you begin to realize that you dont own your pain, your pain owns you. Does this mean that you give up, and stop caring? No! Definitely not! What it means, is that, your once planned out life, doesn't seem so stable anymore. Instead of planning to have a shower when I wake up in the morning, I know rely on how I feel, and when I feel well enough to bathe. Sleep patterns become non-existant. Your daily sleep relies on how you are feeling when your head hits the pillow. Some nights, I am so exhausted, I fall asleep at 6:30pm and wake up at midnight. Some nights, I am so exhausted, that the thought of sleep makes me sleepy but unfortunately, that doesn't always work; pain keeps me up, WAY past my bedtime. Some days, I am in so much pain, the moment I begin to fall asleep is when my dad is leaving for work at 6:00am. Some people may look at you as unreliable.. so be it! I am living my life, the best way I know how. I am trying to cope, with what I have been given, and if that offends people, or makes people mad, well I'm sorry. When I am laying in bed at night, in excruciating pain, they are in their comfy bed, snoring away. Each day is different, yet so awfully the same.. you never know how awful you are going to feel, the minute you open your eyes. This morning, I woke up at 10:30am, in so much pain, that the thought of going downstairs to make myself something to eat was impossible. It took everything I had, to push myself. After one pain medication didn't help, it was time to try a second. Most of the time, on days like today, where the pain is so horrible, 2 pain medications usually put me to sleep. Do I sit in my bed all day and do absolutely nothing? No, I don't. Am I in so much excruciating pain that the thought of standing up makes you want to vomit. Yes. I try my very hardest to do the best with what I have been given. Do i always do the right thing? No, but I try. No on has the right to judge my situation, until they have been put in the same position, and even than, God has the final say.

Whether you yourself are living with a lifelong chronic illness, or someone you love is suffering. It is important to know, that life isn't always as perfect as it may seem. We are all trying our best, to live with what we've been given. Whether you have cancer, or allergies, or are living with a terminal illness - pain inflicts all of us, and it's our job to help those in need any way we can. Chronic pain due to illness is a horrible thing to have to deal with, so next time you feel the need to comment on someone who is trying to just live a normal life. Remember, it could be you in that position.. and wouldn't you want someone to help you and understand you?? Instead of always looking at the negative, try and turn it into a positive. Instead of looking at someone leaving work or a party early, think about what it took for them to even come. The effort that was put in, to show up. With a disease as complex as Lupus, sometimes taking a pain med isn't the easiest answer. Lupus effects many areas of the body, and it is important to remember that no two lupus patients are ever the same. Knowledge is power! So, make yourself aware :)!

Lots of love,

You can call me... "The Diet Doctor" (lol)

With my stomach growling in hunger, at 2:00am in the morning - I found this the most opportune time to write a diet/lifestyle post. How fitting! I have been on my fair share of diets in the past, from Weight Watchers to no carbs, and back! Me and food, you see, we have a love-hate relationship. Since I have decided that food will no longer have me, and I will do everything I can to help my Lupus, it seemed like an awfully good time to make some changes in my life, especially when it had to do with diet. Here, is another "a day in the life of" to show you all how easy it can really be. Food doesn't have to be scary, and neither does cooking!

| BREAKFAST |
- English muffin (white or whole wheat) with Peanut Butter & Jam
- Glass of Milk
- Sliced Cantoulope or Apple

| SNACK |
- Sliced cucumber with a dash of salt
- Celery with Cheese Whiz
- Bottle of water with or without Crystal Light

| LUNCH |
- Cucumber , Tomato, and Onion salad mixed with Extra Virgin Olive Oil{EVOO}, vinegar & Half salt
- Express Rice Package in flavor Carbonara
- Glass of Diet, Caffeine-free Pepsi with ice {you dont pour as much when there is ice}

| SNACK |
- Baskin Robbbins Maui Brownie Frozen Yogurt {210 Calories} (I believe)

| DINNER |
- Haddock
- Light ceasar salad
- 3 tbsp of rice
- small bowl of tomato soup with crackers

| SNACK |
- Bowl of green seedless grapes
- Pomegranate spritzer

I hope this gives you an idea of neat meal ideas. I would love for you to try it too!
Love, always.

{I}{nsom}{nia} some sleep!

Last night was horrible. To say the least. With my pool therapy starting last night, my back was thrown into severe shock. I was in so much pain, I felt like breaking my back. I can't explain to you, what it feels like, to be so irritated with your joints, that breaking them off, seems easier to deal with than the pain. When pain gets this bad, sleeping is an issue too. How is anyone supposed to sleep, when their back feels like it's being ripped open with blades.. The worst part about sleeping, is knowing that as soon as your head hits the pillow, the next day wont be any different. The exciting part about life, is knowing that each day will be different than the last. When each day resembles one another, life begins to become a little drab. Can you not understand what people with a chronic illness such as Lupus feel like? Let me help you.. Picture the last time you got sick with the flu. The joint pain, the muscle aches, the tension headache; ultimately feeling like you've been hit by a mack truck. Well, times that by 10, and picture feeling like that, every single day of your life. Voila! You've guessed it.. it's living hell. Most days, I try to stay strong, and optimistic. However, some days, are just too hard to bare, and I break down. Lack of sleep is usually never good for anybody, but with a disease like Lupus and Fibromyalgia, fatigue, and lack of sleep can be detrimental. Something that you will hear me talk about quite frequently is called restorative sleep. The point of sleep, called NREM; non-rapid eye movement. Apparently, I have been unable to achieve this state of sleep, which enhances any pain i might have. My family physician put me on a medication called Nortriptyline. It is used as a "sleeping pill" for people with chronic diseases. Although it is mainly used as an antidepressant in higher doses, the lower doses are used to aid in sleep patterns and pain. One more med to add to the list... I hope this gives me some kind of relief!

Until next time... <3

Perimeter, Perimeter, Perimeter!

When grocery shopping, keep one thing in mind! On the off chance that you might find good, slightly healthy things in the middle isle of your grocery store - all the good foods, will be found on the outside perimeter of your grocery store. If you think about most packaged foods, found in the middle of your local market, the reason that most are packaged, is due to harmful fats, and chemicals that allow them to stay packaged for so long. In order to find a healthy well-balanced meal, doing the majority of your grocery shopping on the perimeter will insure, delicious, healthy foods. Here is a brief "a day in the life of" what I eat in a typical day. You can substitute some of the veggies, change up the protein.. the main sensus here, is the quality of food that you are eating.

| BREAKFAST |
- 1 cup/packet of Brown sugar {Health Check} Oatmeal - replace water with a 1/2 a cup of milk-
- 1 bowl of grapes
- water or pomegranate spritzer

| SNACK |
- Yogurt
- Green snap peas or soy beans

| LUNCH |
- Hummus
- Naan bread or small baby pita's
- Cream of mushroom soup

| SNACK |
- Fruit bowl {Grapes, orange, apple... ect. Use half an orange to cut up, and half an orange to squeeze out the juice as a dressing}

| DINNER |
- 1 cup of Whole Grain or White Rice
- Cut up your favorite veggies {carrots, onions, green pepper, broccoli} and saute with Worshtishire sauce
- 1 cup of pre-cooked beef {sauted with your veggies}
- Roasted, oven Asparagus with a drizzle of olive oil and a dash of salt

| SNACK |
If you are still hungry after all that food! A healthier choice during a movie, would be low-fat popcorn. Always remember, never eat 2 hours before bed!

I will provide you with daily ideas for meal plans, as I prepare them.


Happy & Healthy eating!

Weigh OVER it

As part of my treatment plan begins, I am beginning to look at myself a little differently. Yesterday was my follow up appointment with my family physician where we discussed treatment options. I was finally recognized as having a chronic illness. We discussed my pain meds, and for what I am facing, 5 pills a day, is not a lot compared to some. We discussed my sleep patterns, and how much sleep and stress effects the severity of the arthritis. Collectively, she decided to put me on a "sleeping pill". Although it is not a true form of sleeping pills, it does aid in reaching restorative sleep. Due to all of the chronic issues I'm dealing with, attaining a good level of restorative sleep is crucial in my recovery and managament of the disease.

For some strange, parculiar reason, my image on diet, and health have changed drastically. I have gone many days, months, and years, wanting to change my eating habits and my activity level, however I never felt driven enough to do it. About a week ago, something clicked. It's not about dieting, or even physical activity - it's about being healthy, and changing your lifestyle. I am SO over being the one that doesn't take care of themselves. I was always conscious as to what I was putting in my body, but I don't think I ever attributed it to my problems. I always figured, what's a small plate of fries going to do... Well, eventually, it adds up. I decided to kick out all of the bad things in my life, and change the way I look at food. Although I still allow myself the odd guilty pleasure, I FEEL healthier. I will go over a possible meal plan for everyone, what I eat - "a day in the life of".

The main course of treatment in excercise is very minimal for the time being. I have been restricted from going to any gym until we start to see improvements from my medications. For now, my physical activity involves 15 minutes in the pool, every day, working on stretching, and working my joints. Along with pool activity, 15 minutes a day walking, either outside or on the treadmill, to help loosen my joints. Is there a guarantee that all of this will help at all? No, there isn't. However, when you are in as much pain as I am in - anything will help. I am trying my very hardest to live a better life, and reach a point where my body needs pain medications to function without being in excruciating pain. I will continuously fill you in on my progress, and give helpful tips along the way.

Oh, and incase you haven't noticed.... I'm WEIGH over it! I have currently lost almost 5 pounds, in just 1 short week. *cheering*

Until next time <3

| My beautiful butterfly...

It seems as though doctors and patients aren't necessarily on the same page as one another. Never in my life, have I seen someone with a clear butterfly rash, that does not have Lupus. Before asking about any other symptoms, the first thing a rheumatologist will ask you is, have you ever experienced the malar "butterfly" rash? Well, according to my "rheumatologist......." you can have all of my symptoms and not have Lupus. Hm, something doesn't add up. Thankfully, I have many people behind me; family, as well as medical professionals. I don't know where my family and I would be without my Gynecologist! I know what you're thinking.. Gynecologist? Doesn't that have to do with reproductive organs? Normally, you would think so. In my case however, my obgyn has been heaven sent! I would advise that if any of you are going through any type of medical crisis, you find someone who can be your advocate - whether it be family, friends, doctors.. whoever is willing to back you up 100% of the time. For me, it's my parents, and my obgyn. I was basically told to disregard everything the rheumatologist told me, and focus on getting the answers to show that it is Lupus. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind, that it is Lupus. If she could have diagnosed me right there and than, she probably would have - that's how sure she was. Apparently, it is very rare to find positive antibodies in young people and if by chance they do, it is strictly by chance. For so long, I was made to think that I was crazy. You have Bipolar Disorder, you have Fibromyalgia, you have Epilepsy, you have GERD. My parents always said, there has to be a bigger picture. No one this young, has THAT many things wrong with them. It has been a long hard battle to get here, but finally I'm getting answers.

Love to all,

Bermuda... triangle?

Bermuda, Bahamas.... baby why dont we gooo! Okay, well.. the truth is, I don't know how that song goes! What I do know however, is that I had a pretty wonderful time! Although it's Bermuda, and you would assume it would be really hot there. For some reason, I didn't realize just how HOT it would be. A good portion of Lupus sufferers, suffer from something called Sun sensitivity. Yes, I am sensitive to the sun and I went to one of the hottest places, ever... in the middle of the summer? Please explain the logic in that! Truth be told, it was my parents 25th wedding anniversary and they were kind enough to want to spend it as a family. There was no way I was passing that up! We were able to visit Boston, and see how beautiful it really is there; definiely one of my favorite cities thus far. Little did i know, the heat and the sun in this beautiful paradise was going to make me very very ill... After our first day on the island, I was up all night with hot and cold sweats, I was vomitting, and I had some other not so pleasant symptoms. Thankfully, I came prepared, and brought everything I would have needed. One drastic change you must make when you are chronically ill, is the knowledge that every little thing you do, could make you sick. You have to be constantly ready for that! Especially, so far away from home. All in all, I was still able to enjoy myself, without TOO much sun, and with the aid of LOTS of sun protection. The trip, to Bermuda.. was an ultimate success. Did I get sick? Yes. Did my joints act up? Yes. Was I in horrible pain the entire trip? Yes. Did I get to spend an amazing vacation with my family? Yes, and that is the most important part.

Talk to you soon <3

Blog - what blog?

I feel like I say this WAY too much - it has to stop! Life gets the best of me, and my blog takes a back seat. I am so sorry. I have had so much going on these past few months, as sad as it sounds, my blog has been the least of my priorities. As most of you know, I am currently in school, working towards my bachelor of arts in Psychology. My exams are coming up at the end of the month so I am going off no sleep. It's all about the studies. It kind of works out, as my meds have been keeping me up lately. I swear, I have insomnia! Although I am so tired all the time, for some reason, my body just wont fall asleep. I'll use it to my advantage, and study hard for the next few weeks. I have quite a few updates and interesting information that I'll be posting over the new few days and the weeks to come. Check back for lots of interesting info!

Talk soon <3