Well well, look who it is.. I haven't seen your face in this neck of the woods for far too long! Wo are we talking about here? Oh that right... Me!! I really have no real excuse except for the fact that I took some time for myself (some well needed time) to just focus on life and getting to where I wanted to be. Call it writers block if you will but.. I just wasn't feeling the expressive side of myself anymore. I don't really have too much to say except that I wasn't feeling my blogging world anymore. Am I back for good? Possibly! I'm going to try it out and see where it takes me! I'm in a completely new (and different) stage of my life, which I will fill you in on at some point. However, right now.. Let this be an introduction back into the world of blogging. I have to say.. Now that I've gotten my feet wet - I miss it!! Anywho, now that I've re-introduced myself back into the blogosphere.. It's about time I go crawl into bed for the bajillionth time and try to catch some sleep....
Later alligators ;)
Steph
Xo
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Jack Layton's last letter to Canadians
If you haven't already... please read Jack Layton's last letter to Canadians. It is so heartwarming, and inspiring. Rest in Peace, Jack. May the angels lead you home..
Jack Layton's last letter to Canadians - Politics - CBC News
Jack Layton's last letter to Canadians - Politics - CBC News
If I'm not over you...
I've had a lot of time on my hands these last few weeks; time to think about what matters.. I don't want to ever leave this earth knowing that a piece of my heart was saved for someone. As you get older, I don't think you ever forget the undying love you had for someone; it's just like losing someone.. you learn to accept that's not the path your life is taking. Well, what if I don't want to wait to tell this person that what I feel for them is real. Between my weakness and my fears.. lies you.
I am petrified that this life will end, and he will go on the rest of his life not knowing how I truly feel. We all know that I am terrified of what this surgery will bring.. it's no secret. I know what it's like to lay in bed at night and dream of what could be.. When I'm around him, my heart skips a beat.. he takes my breath away. I never even knew that was possible... I thought it was lines meant for movies, I never knew it actually existed. I have never known a connection so deep, the kind where speaking does no justice.
Just incase I never get to tell you how I truly feel... keep this with you and never forget it..
I've lived my life, believing in fairytales; the ones they talk about in story books. When I was a little girl, I grew up believing that we were all meant for someone.. Call me crazy, but you light up my life. When I lay in bed, i dream of you.. the idea of you makes all the crazy stuff worthwhile. People always say, you can't miss something you've never had... Wrong. I miss you. Every day of my life, I miss talking to you, I miss seeing you, I miss everything about you.
We go through life being told everything we can't do... Let me be the one to tell you everything you CAN do.. you may not see it, but.. you're kind, and funny, and smart, and unique; you are truly an extraordinary person and you don't even know it yet.. Everything you've ever wanted in life; it's possible.. your life doesn't have to be so hard, I promise you. There is so much I want to say to you, that a letter in my blog would just not suffice.
I promise you, that when I make it through all of this; I will tell you how I feel. I want to kiss you more than anything in this world, I want to tell you how amazing you truly are. I want to lay beside you, and never let go. If, by any stretch of the imagination, you're reading this.. I want to show you what it feels like to feel safe inside me.. What ever you are going through right now.. it will get better, i promise you. I usually don't make so many promises... but with you, it feels warranted.
I hope that one day, I can tell you what you truly mean to me..
Love, always.
Until next time,
xo
I am petrified that this life will end, and he will go on the rest of his life not knowing how I truly feel. We all know that I am terrified of what this surgery will bring.. it's no secret. I know what it's like to lay in bed at night and dream of what could be.. When I'm around him, my heart skips a beat.. he takes my breath away. I never even knew that was possible... I thought it was lines meant for movies, I never knew it actually existed. I have never known a connection so deep, the kind where speaking does no justice.
Just incase I never get to tell you how I truly feel... keep this with you and never forget it..
I've lived my life, believing in fairytales; the ones they talk about in story books. When I was a little girl, I grew up believing that we were all meant for someone.. Call me crazy, but you light up my life. When I lay in bed, i dream of you.. the idea of you makes all the crazy stuff worthwhile. People always say, you can't miss something you've never had... Wrong. I miss you. Every day of my life, I miss talking to you, I miss seeing you, I miss everything about you.
We go through life being told everything we can't do... Let me be the one to tell you everything you CAN do.. you may not see it, but.. you're kind, and funny, and smart, and unique; you are truly an extraordinary person and you don't even know it yet.. Everything you've ever wanted in life; it's possible.. your life doesn't have to be so hard, I promise you. There is so much I want to say to you, that a letter in my blog would just not suffice.
I promise you, that when I make it through all of this; I will tell you how I feel. I want to kiss you more than anything in this world, I want to tell you how amazing you truly are. I want to lay beside you, and never let go. If, by any stretch of the imagination, you're reading this.. I want to show you what it feels like to feel safe inside me.. What ever you are going through right now.. it will get better, i promise you. I usually don't make so many promises... but with you, it feels warranted.
I hope that one day, I can tell you what you truly mean to me..
Love, always.
Until next time,
xo
Saturday, August 27, 2011
It was not too long ago that I sat at my computer, distraught over what I thought would be the loss of my beautiful baby dog, Chels. I have learned a big lesson throughout all of this... would you like to know what that is? Well.. I'll let you figure that out as I go along. I was so distraught about losing such an important part of my family, that I forgot to remember.. I'm living through something that hasn't even happened yet. It's been a little bit since that night I spent on the computer, paying tribute to Chelsea.. when, in actuality; she wasn't even gone, yet. I think it's been just over a week since my last post, and Chels is still here with us! I couldn't be happier to say that she weathered the storm. We have a little joke in our family.. well, I'm usually the only one that says it BUT nonetheless, it's a joke... I like to call her our little train that could... every time she seems to be going downhill, fast.. she somehow picks herself up and continues to keep treckin'. I would be lying if i said I wasn't scared.. take a look at my last post and you will see JUST how scared I was..
I know what some of you are thinking... but I also know, that the majority who are thinking it are the ones who don't own a family pet. I know the thought can be hard to grasp.. "how could you possibly be so torn up about a pet? It's not like it's someone from your family!" Wrong. She is most definitely part of my family.. All those sleepless nights I've stayed up crying because I just can't bare the thought of spending another second in pain; she's been there.. On christmas morning, when I was 6 years old and my parents were too tired to wake up and open presents; she was there.. When I didn't want to eat my food but was too afraid to tell my parents their recipe was bad (LOL); she was there.. for every pivotal moment in my life; she was there. You may not understand, and I certainly don't expect you to, but what I'm trying to get at is - she is a part of my family, a part of my life, a part of who i am today. Chelsea has taught me how to love, how to be patient, and how to be kind.. there is no greater feeling than looking at someone who you have been with for 17 years, and know that not ONCE did they ever leave your side or abandon you; she has been a constant in my life. Before I start to tear up again, I'm going to change the subject because I don't quite feel like being a blubbary mess :p
The point of this blog today, if you haven't already figured it out... is to live life, not in the past, nor in the future - live for right now! All of the time that I spent worrying about THAT day being her last, well... she's had yet another 2 weeks on her side. The time we spend worrying about something, will take up the time for you to REALLY do something with your life.. tell someone how you feel about them, before it's too late.. go on that family trip you've always wanted to take.. make moments in your life.. because it's those moments that you will remember; all that time wasted on worry's that haven't even happened yet. It's a beautiful way to live if you ask me :) Whether you take something away from this or not, at least I know that I have learned a valuable lesson in life and will continue to tell ANYONE who will listen!
Until next time,
xo
I know what some of you are thinking... but I also know, that the majority who are thinking it are the ones who don't own a family pet. I know the thought can be hard to grasp.. "how could you possibly be so torn up about a pet? It's not like it's someone from your family!" Wrong. She is most definitely part of my family.. All those sleepless nights I've stayed up crying because I just can't bare the thought of spending another second in pain; she's been there.. On christmas morning, when I was 6 years old and my parents were too tired to wake up and open presents; she was there.. When I didn't want to eat my food but was too afraid to tell my parents their recipe was bad (LOL); she was there.. for every pivotal moment in my life; she was there. You may not understand, and I certainly don't expect you to, but what I'm trying to get at is - she is a part of my family, a part of my life, a part of who i am today. Chelsea has taught me how to love, how to be patient, and how to be kind.. there is no greater feeling than looking at someone who you have been with for 17 years, and know that not ONCE did they ever leave your side or abandon you; she has been a constant in my life. Before I start to tear up again, I'm going to change the subject because I don't quite feel like being a blubbary mess :p
The point of this blog today, if you haven't already figured it out... is to live life, not in the past, nor in the future - live for right now! All of the time that I spent worrying about THAT day being her last, well... she's had yet another 2 weeks on her side. The time we spend worrying about something, will take up the time for you to REALLY do something with your life.. tell someone how you feel about them, before it's too late.. go on that family trip you've always wanted to take.. make moments in your life.. because it's those moments that you will remember; all that time wasted on worry's that haven't even happened yet. It's a beautiful way to live if you ask me :) Whether you take something away from this or not, at least I know that I have learned a valuable lesson in life and will continue to tell ANYONE who will listen!
Until next time,
xo
Monday, August 15, 2011
Saying "Goodbye" to childhood..
This is a very hard blog for me to post. I wad debating whether or not to even post this but I felt as though it might be therapeutic for me to write. I have been trying for a while now to put off even having to say this out loud but I feel as though I can't really ignore the reality of what my family and I have been going through. Before I get into any of the details.. let me take you back 17 years ago this October.
I was 5 years years old, and we had just welcomed my baby brother into the world. Life was pretty perfect for my parents and I.. a year prior, I had prayed to God that my mom would have a little baby.. and unlike most, I prayed for a baby brother. Well, I got my wish.. November 3rd 1993, my baby brother, Scott was born. We had the little family you dream about having when you're a little girl growing up in your mothers shadow; watching her put on her makeup, watching my dad put on his suit.. it wasn't before long, however, that my parents decided to truly make our family complete! It was a surprise right before Halloween. I remember it so clearly, as if it were yesterday.. My parents decided to surprise my brother and I with a trip to the Toronto Humane Society! We were thrilled.. finally a puppy of our own! I remember walking through the halls, looking at all of the animals without a home. I recall feeling so sad that we couldn't take all of them with us.. How could we ever pick just ONE! I distinctly remember asking my mom, how will we know which one is ours? What if we make a mistake?
That was of course, until I saw my beautiful Chelsea.. Her name at the time, was Rita. I recall thinking to myself, "I can't wait until we bring her home so we can change her name!!" She was a beautiful mix; part beagle, part german sheppard. She was wagging her tail so hard, as if it were going out of style! It was love at first sight for us.. and love at first sniff for her (LOL) sorry, i had to! The entire family decided that she was the one for us; she was my new baby sister. At 6 months old, she was energetic, and loveable, and could not stop kissing us! The excitement of the day finally ran dry when we learned we couldn't take her home right away.. of course as kids, you always want everything when YOU want it! After some shed tears, and broken hearts.. we left her. It was on our way home that we learned what a huge impact we were about to make on her life. My parents were always honest with us about how rough she had it before she found us. Personally, I would like to think that those first 6 months of life, she doesn't even recall anymore. Apparently, the humane society found her wandering inbetween the alley ways in downtown Toronto, god knows where she had come from. All i knew, was that she was NOT going to live like that ANYMORE!! Scott and I were told that we would have to wait a week to pick up our new baby sister.. and of course, we could not count the days fast enough; it was better than christmas morning! Finally, one day after school.. my friend's mom picked us up at the bus and said that my mom had to work late so she would be watching me (this was not uncommon, I frequently went to their house after school anyways.. After hours of waiting, and asking when my mommy would come and get me; the doorbell rang! I didn't know it than... but my life would be changed, forever.. and I would not take back one bit! Standing at the bottom of the stairs, was my beautiful sister!! I screamed at the top of my lungs, and started jumping up and down.. it had not been a week, it had only been about 2 days!
I was given the opportunity to name her.. don't ask me where I came up with it because I have no idea! It just, fit. From that day on, i found the sister I never had; Chelsea.
That little girl was my childhood.. i cannot remember my life before her; she's always been here.. we went through teething on our tv remotes, to ripping up our couches in our first house. She was a rambunctious little girl, and as my brother and I grew.. so did she. We all grew up together; playing in the sandbox with her.. her doing all of the digging (LOL) my mom said it well tonight; our household would have been a very boring place if it wasn't for her! The years of camping we did; her splashing through the lake trying to beat us at swimming.. How about the way she used to lick your face off, regardless of how long she knew you. Us kids would always get yelled at for feeding her food at the table. I remember my dad used to say.. "if you feed her at the table, she will keep coming back for more, for as long as she lives! Well, he wasn't wrong with that statement.. HOWEVER, over the years.. it stopped being about the fuss of feeding her our food at the table, it became her taking part in our meal.. Every night at dinner, you would hear the pitter patter of her little footsies (or paws, shall is say) lol..
It seems as though, 7 years ago.. I lost what I thought was the piece to my childhood.. but in reality, I always had a part of it still with me.. Now, at almost 17 years old.. I will be losing my precious sister. She has slowly been declining over the last few months, and it seems as though we may have hit a road block. She has been having accidents in the house, not to mention she has lost control of her hind legs.. We are taking her to the vet tomorrow to see what he says, however we're preparing ourselves for the worst... I don't want to see her suffer; i just don't want to lose the only sister I have ever had..
To all of you animal lovers out there.. cherish every moment with your babies! Life is so damn short, so yeah.. feed them at the table!
I love you so much Chels <3
Until next time...
xo
I was 5 years years old, and we had just welcomed my baby brother into the world. Life was pretty perfect for my parents and I.. a year prior, I had prayed to God that my mom would have a little baby.. and unlike most, I prayed for a baby brother. Well, I got my wish.. November 3rd 1993, my baby brother, Scott was born. We had the little family you dream about having when you're a little girl growing up in your mothers shadow; watching her put on her makeup, watching my dad put on his suit.. it wasn't before long, however, that my parents decided to truly make our family complete! It was a surprise right before Halloween. I remember it so clearly, as if it were yesterday.. My parents decided to surprise my brother and I with a trip to the Toronto Humane Society! We were thrilled.. finally a puppy of our own! I remember walking through the halls, looking at all of the animals without a home. I recall feeling so sad that we couldn't take all of them with us.. How could we ever pick just ONE! I distinctly remember asking my mom, how will we know which one is ours? What if we make a mistake?
That was of course, until I saw my beautiful Chelsea.. Her name at the time, was Rita. I recall thinking to myself, "I can't wait until we bring her home so we can change her name!!" She was a beautiful mix; part beagle, part german sheppard. She was wagging her tail so hard, as if it were going out of style! It was love at first sight for us.. and love at first sniff for her (LOL) sorry, i had to! The entire family decided that she was the one for us; she was my new baby sister. At 6 months old, she was energetic, and loveable, and could not stop kissing us! The excitement of the day finally ran dry when we learned we couldn't take her home right away.. of course as kids, you always want everything when YOU want it! After some shed tears, and broken hearts.. we left her. It was on our way home that we learned what a huge impact we were about to make on her life. My parents were always honest with us about how rough she had it before she found us. Personally, I would like to think that those first 6 months of life, she doesn't even recall anymore. Apparently, the humane society found her wandering inbetween the alley ways in downtown Toronto, god knows where she had come from. All i knew, was that she was NOT going to live like that ANYMORE!! Scott and I were told that we would have to wait a week to pick up our new baby sister.. and of course, we could not count the days fast enough; it was better than christmas morning! Finally, one day after school.. my friend's mom picked us up at the bus and said that my mom had to work late so she would be watching me (this was not uncommon, I frequently went to their house after school anyways.. After hours of waiting, and asking when my mommy would come and get me; the doorbell rang! I didn't know it than... but my life would be changed, forever.. and I would not take back one bit! Standing at the bottom of the stairs, was my beautiful sister!! I screamed at the top of my lungs, and started jumping up and down.. it had not been a week, it had only been about 2 days!
I was given the opportunity to name her.. don't ask me where I came up with it because I have no idea! It just, fit. From that day on, i found the sister I never had; Chelsea.
That little girl was my childhood.. i cannot remember my life before her; she's always been here.. we went through teething on our tv remotes, to ripping up our couches in our first house. She was a rambunctious little girl, and as my brother and I grew.. so did she. We all grew up together; playing in the sandbox with her.. her doing all of the digging (LOL) my mom said it well tonight; our household would have been a very boring place if it wasn't for her! The years of camping we did; her splashing through the lake trying to beat us at swimming.. How about the way she used to lick your face off, regardless of how long she knew you. Us kids would always get yelled at for feeding her food at the table. I remember my dad used to say.. "if you feed her at the table, she will keep coming back for more, for as long as she lives! Well, he wasn't wrong with that statement.. HOWEVER, over the years.. it stopped being about the fuss of feeding her our food at the table, it became her taking part in our meal.. Every night at dinner, you would hear the pitter patter of her little footsies (or paws, shall is say) lol..
It seems as though, 7 years ago.. I lost what I thought was the piece to my childhood.. but in reality, I always had a part of it still with me.. Now, at almost 17 years old.. I will be losing my precious sister. She has slowly been declining over the last few months, and it seems as though we may have hit a road block. She has been having accidents in the house, not to mention she has lost control of her hind legs.. We are taking her to the vet tomorrow to see what he says, however we're preparing ourselves for the worst... I don't want to see her suffer; i just don't want to lose the only sister I have ever had..
To all of you animal lovers out there.. cherish every moment with your babies! Life is so damn short, so yeah.. feed them at the table!
I love you so much Chels <3
Until next time...
xo
Friday, August 12, 2011
A Tad Dazed..
Hi Everyone =)
I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend so far! I just wanted to pop by and let you know that I'm going to be taking the weekend off from blogging. It seems as though I'm in a really bad flare and I have no idea how long it's going to last *. .*
n
Not only has my intense exhaustion been an issue, my joints have been SO bad I've felt sick to my stomach all day long. Writing is proving to be a major problem, heck.. lying in bed is proving to be a major problem. Today especially, has been really rough. My walking has been really hard today so I've just been in bed watching movies and youtube all day.
I'm hoping to be back to my regular blogging by Monday.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Until next time...
xo
I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend so far! I just wanted to pop by and let you know that I'm going to be taking the weekend off from blogging. It seems as though I'm in a really bad flare and I have no idea how long it's going to last *. .*
n
Not only has my intense exhaustion been an issue, my joints have been SO bad I've felt sick to my stomach all day long. Writing is proving to be a major problem, heck.. lying in bed is proving to be a major problem. Today especially, has been really rough. My walking has been really hard today so I've just been in bed watching movies and youtube all day.
I'm hoping to be back to my regular blogging by Monday.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Until next time...
xo
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