We all have struggles, but it's what we do with those struggles that make us unique. I can't say that I'm all that unique, but I definitely try to hold my own. I've been in some weird health kick lately, you know - actually caring what you put into your body, and recognizing that our bodies need lots of care to function. I don't know how long it will last (a little insight into my life; i tend to start things, and not finish) I'm not necessarily proud of this fact but I mid as well be honest.
There have been a handful of times in life where i have been scared, truly scared. I have been trying not to remind myself that this particular time in my life, I should be scared to death, or scared of death shall I say. I know I mentioned about some stuff going on with my health, other than the obvious. It's strange you know, I know what I want to say but I can't quite bring myself to say it. It's not like movies; emotion, anger, guilt. I feel nothing, I am literally emotionless. I don't know if it's because I'm trying not to think about it, or if it hasn't fully registered yet. I have had my moments, where the world stands still - instances few and far between.
It has been a dark cloud in my family, hovering; a rain storm that just wont pass. Ovarian Cancer.
Yes folks, you heard me right. A few months ago, I started noticing slight changes in regards to a familiar pain that was quite honestly, forgotten. I began noticing changes in my menstrual cycle, along with severe pressure in the pelvic region. Okay, let's not get into too much detail. I mean come on, this is just a blog after all (lol).. Well, to make a long story short. I may have cancer. Even writing it feels foreign to me. I am so used to talking about it, just not for myself. What I thought was a large cyst, turns out I have a mass instead. I have to see an oncologist at the beginning of February. Even though I don't think it is cancer, it still feels weird to say, or even think. Me? cancer? No way. I am 22 years old. How does a 22 year old "possibly" have ovarian cancer? I don't get it. My gynecologist is concerned because of my enlarged liver, I guess it's common in patients with ovarian cancer. Not to mention, the other areas around my ovaries which what they think are cysts. If they can be wrong about a large mass being a cyst, I can't really say I trust that these "cysts" on my ovaries, are actually cysts.
Anywho, it's late and I'm tired. I'm sure I will post another blog soon. Keep you posted.
Until next time...
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